


we can make it right

by quantumoddity



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Post Diamond Juno, Siblings, Trauma, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Benten tries to find a way to get Juno back to himself after a hard few years
Relationships: Benzaiten Steel & Juno Steel, Mick Mercury/Benzaiten Steel
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	we can make it right

“He’s not doing good, is he?”

Most of the time, Benzaiten found his boyfriend’s tendency to point out the obvious endearing and adorable. But sometimes, like now, it reminded him of things he’d rather not think about. It was hard enough to see the dark circles under his brother’s eyes and the way he’d pick listlessly at his food when he’d come down and eat with them at all, the hours he spent in bed but not sleeping, how he’d made no efforts towards finding himself another job. It was hard enough to lie to Rita every time she called to check up on him and ask how the lady she still insisted on calling Boss was doing. 

It was hard enough knowing his brother was hurting badly and that he couldn’t do anything about it, without Mick pointing it out. 

But it wasn’t his fault and Ben let go of the resentment quickly, setting down his glass and sighing, “No. He really isn’t.”

Mick reached across the table, over the remains of their dinner and took his hand. He rarely knew what to say at times like this but he knew Ben thought his touch, his quiet presence and his willingness to listen more than enough. 

“I mean, I’m trying, babe,” Ben’s voice trembled, “God knows I’m trying but every time I talk to him, every time I try and get any kind of emotion out of him, it’s like he can’t hear me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you…”

“No,” Ben shook his head quickly, wiping at the tears that sprung alarmingly quickly to his eyes with the hand not in Mick’s, “You didn’t. I mean, he’s been living here, what, a month? I can’t just keep hoping this will magically be enough and not talking about it. I need to do something but...” 

“She hurt him bad, honey,” Mick said hesitantly, “He’s probably just scared to let anyone else in.”

Ben dropped his hand, looking across at his boyfriend, heartbreak in his eyes as he whispered, “Even me?”

Mick grimaced, “Well...I mean, not that it was his fault, but he was pushing us away for a long time before it fell apart. Remember how bad it got?”

The wine on his tongue suddenly turned sour as Ben grimaced. He did remember, better than he wanted to. He remembered how it had started small, with cancelled plans and standing him up for coffees he’d promised to have with his brother. There had always been apologies and excuses, the academy was just kicking his ass, he just had so much paperwork to do, he just needed a little time to find his feet and get his head above water. Ben had nodded and said he understood, all while privately wondering why Juno seemed to have time to go to all these parties and clubs, kinds he’d never expressed an interest in before, but didn’t have the time to see his own twin for lunch. 

Whenever Ben would offer help, would express worry that maybe he was working too hard, that was when the conversation would turn terse. Juno didn’t need his help. Ben had his hands full with Ma, didn’t he? Ben had risen to those, he knew he had, never able to let Juno get away with smartass comments unchallenged. They’d stopped having conversations that didn’t end in shouting matches, even if they’d meekly apologise over their comms the next morning and promise to try again. 

But eventually, it had blown up completely one night when he’d gone to Juno’s new place, unannounced and sick of being blown off all the time, intending to force his brother into a night off with him. Juno had gotten in his face and the words had slipped out, the words Ben had known were coming. 

Ben had his chance to help. He’d had his chance to go with Juno and he’d chosen Sarah instead. 

Blinded by furious, helpless tears, Ben hadn’t realised until later that there had been another person in Juno’s room. 

It had spiralled quickly after that. Juno wouldn’t answer his calls any more, not even after he moved out of Ma’s house and in with Mick. He had to hear it from Sasha, from Rita, that Juno was falling apart. He’d had to watch his brother’s self destruction from the sidelines. 

It wasn’t until the night of the wedding that didn’t happen that Ben found any hope. It didn’t give him any pleasure at all to watch them break his brother’s heart but at least it was over. That night, they’d drank, they’d let everything go in one mad, alcohol fuelled release of years worth of tension, they’d ridden at breakneck speed through the desert on the back of Mick’s bike, the wind had caught the hem of Juno’s wedding dress and billowed it out behind him as he’d laughed and cried and Ben remembered thinking how beautiful his brother looked. 

He remembered thinking that he finally had his other half back. 

But now there was only this. Juno haunting their spare room, jobless and withdrawing, heartbroken and depressed, walls around him a mile thick. Even if Ben could find a way through, would he want him to?

“Even if he was yelling at me and punching my teeth out again, it would be better than this,” Ben mumbled, feeling his lower lip tremble. 

“But maybe that’s it,” Mick frowned as he tried to put the words together, “Jay did that when all you were trying to do was get him out of that awful relationship and help him. Even if he didn’t know it at the time, he knows it now. And...I mean, it wasn’t the guy’s fault, of course it wasn’t, but...it was kind of shitty?”

Ben sniffled, “So...what do you mean?” 

“I mean I think he feels guilty,” Mick shrugged, “He wants to let you in and let you help but he knows how badly he fucked it up last time. He’s scared of getting hurt but I think he’s scared of hurting you too. So if you want to help him...maybe show him you forgive him first?” 

Ben’s jaw fell open a little and he stared at his boyfriend in awe for a long moment before jumping to his feet, circling round their cramped dinner table and pulling him in by the face for a long, deep kiss. 

“You, Bartholomew Mercury,” he declared once he’d pulled away, “are one of the smartest men on Mars.”

Instantly, his boyfriend’s ears turned scarlet and he was grinning madly as Ben kissed him one last time before hurrying up to the spare room Juno had taken when he’d moved in.

The door was shut of course but when Ben rapped on it, there was only a few seconds pause before he heard his brother answer, “Yeah?”

“Can I come in, Super Steel?” 

“I told you, Ben, I’m not hungry,” the voice sounded heavy and tired, so unlike his brother used to, “I’ll get something later, promise.”

“It’s not that,” Ben answered, “I just want to talk to you. Can I come in?”

There was a longer pause this time but eventually the answer came, “Sure.” 

Before they’d offered it to Juno while he got back on his feet, they’d just thrown all the junk they didn’t want to deal with into this room. Which mostly meant Ben’s dance clothes, all the costumes from shows he’d been in right from when they were in high school and he’d been sewing them himself. All that had been listlessly pushed to one side, even if it did take up the majority of the space still. Not that Juno had unpacked his tiny suitcase of stuff rescued from Diamond’s place yet. 

As he’d expected, Juno was just stretched out on the camp bed, still in the sweatpants and oversized shirt of Mick’s he’d been wearing for way too long now. He’d made the effort to sit up but from the way his curls were flattened on one side and his eyes were dry and shadowed, he’d just been staring at the wall before Ben had knocked on the door. He was hollow cheeked and ashy skinned, still a slight tremor in his hands like he was perpetually cold though there was a perfectly good comforter kicked away onto the floor. 

But Ben didn’t let any of the worry show on his face, he just smiled and took a seat at the foot of the rickety fold out bed, making it creak alarmingly. 

“So?” Juno asked tiredly. 

“I wanted to tell you about this thing that happened to me today,” Ben said brightly, folding his legs up under himself, “So we were warming up at the studio and we switch the music every so often, just so we don’t get bored, y’know?”

“Uh huh,” Juno intoned flatly, eyes fading, but Ben persisted. 

“And this time it was one of those real old Earth classics like Ma used to love, some of that old school hip hop funk. Here, I’ll play it for you!”

“Ben, you don’t have to do that…” Juno started but it was too late. 

Ben yanked his comms out of his pocket and tapped quickly, eventually a rhythmic piano opening pouring out of the speaker in the corner. Good as Hell by Lizzo, they’d played it a thousand times before and he saw the recognition on Juno’s face.

“And it reminded me of when you and me would be going out to some party in high school and we’d always wait so we could get ready together,” Ben raised his voice over the singer’s now.

Maybe he was just imagining it, maybe he was just seeing what he wanted to see, but Ben could have sworn there was a flicker of some expression in Juno’s eyes, a kind of softness. He pressed on excitedly.

“Remember? You’d do my make up real killer and I’d help you pick out something you could still dance in and do your hair...and we’d always end up dancing. Even if we were wearing something so ridiculous or we looked like clowns, I’d grab your hands and pull you up and you’d call me an asshole but we’d still be smiling. We’d put this song on because it was your favourite and we’d just spin around until we fell over or I’d show you how to jive and you wouldn’t even be half bad!” 

A chuckle. An honest to god chuckle, even if it was rough and uncertain. Ben’s face split into a grin, he knew then that Juno was seeing the same things he was, the memories he was reanimating with his words and the music. 

“I always looked forward to getting ready with you, way more than any party…remember how much fun we had, Juno?”

His brother sighed, face softening, “Yeah. I remember, Benten.”

Feeling more sure about this than he had about anything for a while, Ben stuck his hand out, reaching across the space between them, reaching for his twin. For a second, Juno looked uncertain, afraid, his eyes flickering to Ben’s anxiously. But when he saw them shining, crinkling at the corners like they always did when he smiled wide enough to ache, something in him opened up. 

He found the strength from somewhere and reached out to take his brother’s hand. 

It was awkward and hesitant at first, Juno stiffly swaying from one foot to the other, kind of on the beat. Ben just shrugged, not about to make him run before he could walk, happily bouncing around him like an excited puppy, popping his shoulders and kicking out with abandon. Slowly, surely, he heard Juno start to laugh and saw him shaking his head helplessly, felt him loosen up bit by bit. It was like whatever energy and brightness Ben had was flowing into Juno, warming up frozen joints and restarting a dormant heart. 

By the time the bridge kicked in, with all it’s heavy drum beats, the two of them were mirroring each other, both stomping and clapping and grinning hard enough to shake the floor. Ben ran to the boxes of old costumes, ripping them open and pulling out feather boas, glitter vests, sequin headbands, throwing them at his brother. Juno cackled, pulling on everything he was given, yanking a few onto Ben as well until they were both equally as haphazardly bedazzled. They let the song play again and again, melting into itself in a loop they’d happily let go on forever, time not mattering one jot as the twins bounced and vogued and grinded their way around the tight space, laughing until their chests held the same ache. 

And for the length of a sparkling piano line and thumping drum beat, everything was alright again.

Eventually, the back of Juno’s knees hit the camp bed and he fell onto it, panting raggedly and shaking his head in defeat, “God, Ben, I’m gonna pass out…”

Reluctant to have it end but recognising the moment was done, Ben turned the song off and sank down next to his brother, now pressed up against one another. 

In the silence afterwards, Juno’s face settled a little back into place, the same sadness and tiredness edging into his expression. But this time he leaned against Benten, letting his head fall onto his brother’s shoulder, even if it meant he had to spit and sputter away a mouthful of purple synthetic feathers. 

“Listen, Ben…” Juno sighed, sounding tired again but in a good, cleaner way, “I...I’m really glad you’re here.” 

Ben smiled, finding Juno’s hand and squeezing it, “And I’m glad you’re here. So we’re even, Super Steel.”

That wasn’t the end of it, of course. Years of hurt and distance weren’t going to be fixed by a song and some memories. But the next time Juno felt himself sinking into a place he didn’t want to be, he reached out to Ben, knocking on his and Mick’s door in the middle of the night and not pulling away when Ben reached out and wrapped his arms around him. 

He would be sad again. They’d get angry at each other again. They’d hurt each other sometimes. 

But they both knew how to get back to each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you like this!


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